California Dreamin’

Yesterday was my wedding anniversary. It was six years ago that, overlooking a still wintery Lake Tahoe, we took our vows and this Holy Land Odyssey began. No matter what my expectations were at that time, nothing could have prepared me for the voyage of adventure and discovery that these last six years have become.

By coincidence, six years later to the day, my eldest daughters boyfriend took her last weekend on a hiking trip in Yosemite and made her climb three and a half hours to the top of a mountain. Not being the most athletic of people, she put it this way “I told him that there better be a damn good reason for dragging me all the way up here or I was about to throw him off”. There was.

“Incurable romantic” that he is, he had made her hike for that three and a half hours before dropping to one knee and proposing. See chivalry is not dead! Now, for them too the odyssey begins, as they face that voyage of adventure and discovery called marriage.

But, even before then let the planning commence. Being the good Californian that she is, she has already declared that it will be an outdoor wedding in Napa Valley.

This has caused an incredible wave of excitement in our house as it begins to sink in for our three boys that, at long last, their dream of visiting California is about to become a reality. Our youngest boy already has his skateboard and iPod packed, being the “only essentials” necessary. The middle one has started to worry what he should wear to a Californian wedding. And the eldest has started to dream of California Girls and listen to The Beach Boys.

Lovely Rita, ……

There are, I have learned, certain inalienable truths in life and one is that government employees are the same the world over, right?

It doesn’t matter if you want to renew your passport or driving licence, extend your visa, register a car, get the plans approved for extending your house ….. They all seemed to have been trained from the same manual. A minimum six months of immersion training ensures that they always demonstrate the personality of someone who was toilet trained at gun point, keep a picture of Hannibal Lecter in their wallet, email all their friends a “must see” YouTube video link of Alice Cooper biting the head off a chicken and, above all, whatever else, never ever smile!

I well remember my first visit to an Unemployment Office in California, the land of political correctness. It left a lasting impression. Going through the door, I was faced by a row of cubicles staffed by middle aged ladies, built for comfort not speed, who shared the common persona of someone who was also attending night school to get their Dominatrix Diploma.

I took my place in my choice of the available lines and then watched one particular Social Security Doyen scream at a hapless Mexican labourer for more than three minutes because he didn’t have the right documents. I have often wondered if the man even spoke enough English to understand her tirade.

Thus, it was with considerable trepidation that I went this morning to my local Unemployment Offfice (Lishkat Ha Ta’Asuka) to inform them of the unfortunate circumstances by which I am again “prematurely retired” and register my wish to search for new employment.

Surprise #1 – The place was almost empty. What happened to all of Israels growing number of unemployed that I keep reading about?

(Even Bigger) Surprise #2 – A large smile radiated from a vacant cubicle and gestured me to sit down. The lady was pleasant and sympathetic, she took and confirmed my details quickly, told me she was always available if I had any questions and, if not, to come back and see her again in a month.

That was it, painless, pure and simple.

Rita Stravinsky, stand up and take a bow. You are the model on which all public facing government employees should be based!